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I hate this name.
I hate this body.
I hate these hips.
I hate these breasts.
I hate the reflection.
I hate being in the closet.
I hate living 2 different lives.
I hate having to go into girls bathrooms.
I hate having to change in the girl's locker room.
I hate having to look at my name on school work.
I hate meeting new people.
I hate hearing 'she' and 'her'.
I hate trying to explain to people.
I hate feeling so depressed.
I hate being the 'boyish girl'.
I hate not being able to wear my boxers because I'm afraid people will ask questions when I'm in the locker room.
I hate being so awkward.
I hate getting undressed.
I hate my voice.
I hate how my hair never feels short enough.
I hate the way I fit into clothes.
I hate having to wear bras.
I hate leaving the house.
I hate the thought of my friends parent's not letting me over if they knew.
I hate the thought of losing friends.
I hate the thought of parts of my family disowning me, and ignoring me.
I hate the thought that some of my family will never see me as a boy.
I hate going to school.
I hate crying at night.
I hate walking by a group of guys having a fun time.
I hate having to go in the girl lines.
I hate having to go in the girl group when we're in p.e

I hate a lot of things about life.
But I know one day, it will get better.
And I'll find things in life that I'll love.

Just some poem I wrote :x
Add a Comment:
 
:icondoctordear:
DoctorDear Featured By Owner Edited Nov 17, 2016  Student General Artist
Jesus... This is so fucking relatable. I have PE and I hate having to go into the girls locker room and lines. It makes me feel so out of place.
My parents and friends are really supportive though, but my mother is still having trouble understanding it. :I
Reply
:iconfairytailboss:
FairyTailBoss Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Luckily for me, my Gym Teacher allowed me to be on the guys team in gym class. Even before he found out I was trans.
Reply
:iconwendiiigo:
wendiiigo Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
relatable 

i didn't know i was different at birth, it took me a while to figure out, my teachers but me in an all girls advisory class when i really just want to be in a regular class, i don't go to gym not only because it's not in my schedule but because i feel uncomfortable in a girls bathroom/locker room because i don't belong there-
Reply
:iconfoxyxmangle4evah:
foxyxmangle4evah Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2016
hey.. if u have a good family and friends they'll love u no matter what. if they disown u then u need better friends and a new family.
Reply
:iconxxstolen-soulsxx:
xxStolen-soulsxx Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2015
I have been there. My life in highschool was quite similar to what you wrote. (Minus the things about pe, I didn't actually have pe class but once and I just did the warm ups and walking the perimeter... I occasionally shot some hoops and played dodge ball, but we were not divided into groups for phys ed, nor did we change clothes unless we wanted to.) Long parentheses, I know. Otherwise, I still struggle with many of these things, despite being a working adult these days... I fucking with a capital FUCK hate to apply for jobs and go through the interview process. I have been identifying in the workplace for two years. The first job which I revealed my transgender status I faced not only great disrespect from my managers, but also from a coworker who later was fired for a case I opened against them. My managers were in violation of both federal EEO laws and company policy by using the wrong pronouns to address me.
The second time I stood up for myself in the workplace, my managers were far more understanding and supported me and respected me appropriately.

I also greatly dislike the process of getting a job and using any kind of computer system that used my legal name (time clocks, official forms, etc) I fucking hate my legal name and did even before I knew what being transgender was.
Reply
:iconcookie71266:
Cookie71266 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
THE FEELSDanisnotonfire: FEELS
This made me cry so hard. Nobody knows, but me, and my online friends. I want  my friends to just find out on their own. ;-;
Reply
:iconblackdragon117:
BlackDragon117 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Trust me, telling your irl friends is a good call. They helped me for so long and it was the best thing I could do and eventually they helped me tell my family which isn't going amazing but still they deserved to know.
Reply
:iconcookie71266:
Cookie71266 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah. I just came out to my family and they were cool with it apart from my dad. But anywho, my friends all know, and that isn't going gracefully.
Reply
:iconblackdragon117:
BlackDragon117 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Aw I'm sorry, my dad is the same way :( he's having a lot of trouble believing me even.
If your friends can't except you for who you are then they aren't true friends. It's harsh but it's true, so don't let them bring you down.
Reply
:iconcookie71266:
Cookie71266 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah. My friends are cool, except some of the religious ones...
Reply
:iconblackdragon117:
BlackDragon117 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yeah thankfully I am the most religious of my friends which is like I'm pagan lol so I'm good.
I dogged the bullet with friends and religious hate but my dad is super Christian so yeah :(
Reply
:iconcookie71266:
Cookie71266 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My dad is hardcore Christian too. :(
Reply
:iconblackdragon117:
BlackDragon117 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's really a shame :(
I wish they could just let their stuborn beliefs disappear.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkuwiiur:
Kuwiiur Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
same ere hun
Reply
:iconmelancholywerewolf:
MelancholyWerewolf Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I know how that feels... exactly.
Reply
:iconnanozeus:
NanoZeus Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014
That was amazingly said and I think it's nice to see poems and other related stuff be used in the LGBT community.
Reply
:iconserenity-r:
serenity-r Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
pretty much sums up the whole body trap dilemma ...
this stuff is pretty much a life sentence.  you might fool others but you can never fool yourself...
thank God it's ok to be trans all by itself.
i hate being called faggot when actually i'm lesbian...
Reply
:iconshadowshinigamiwolf:
ShadowShinigamiWolf Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate alot to this.
Reply
:iconleaotis21:
LeaOtis21 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
I can relate to this
Reply
:iconluigishikudvnr:
LuigiShikuDVNR Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So can I
Reply
:icondoodletones:
Doodletones Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I understand, friend, however on the other side of the window. ._.
Reply
:iconevil-ju-ju:
EviL-Ju-ju Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014
TELL IT HOW IT IS, BROTHA!!! I knows how ya feeeeeeellll. But I'm fortunate enough to go to such a diverse school, but I transferred there mid year so I'm scared shitless of them.... σ(^_^;). I mean they're cool and all I just have bad social anxiety.

On the down side, my mom say she not ready I accept it, and it's been like, 7 months, and she knows all the crap I've done outta self hate and anxiety and all that good shit.
Reply
:iconxion-fujioka:
Xion-Fujioka Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You nailed down exactly how I feel...
Reply
:iconthedigitalabyss:
TheDigitalAbyss Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I came out today... and every time I answer the phone at work I have use my legal name.

It's depressing as all hell and I die a little inside every time.
Reply
:iconmoshsloth:
MoshSloth Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
Dude that's great, I came out July 2 last year. It's hard v.v How did your parents react?
Reply
:iconemofweak:
EMOFweak Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Student General Artist
I hate being scared to tell my parents.
Reply
:iconrachelgirlsart:
rachelgirlsart Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lived 

Reply
:iconrachelgirlsart:
rachelgirlsart Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
y does my body feel like a big mistake i feel the same way when i live as a boy

Reply
:iconsaphirefox:
saphirefox Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   General Artist

I feel the same about a lot of those things :( :hug:

My advise is to come out unless your family/community is super conservative. It seems you're still fairly young (you mention school) so probably the sooner you get hormones the better they'll work. Also, it's hard to be happy stuck in the wrong gender. I really should follow my own advise.

Reply
:iconanuya2:
anuya2 Featured By Owner May 12, 2013
Just try to be yourself !! wish you all the best
Reply
:iconbornthiswayfox:
bornthiswayfox Featured By Owner May 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
why it looks like MY life???
Reply
:iconsintel-duran:
Sintel-Duran Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this poem is my life as of right now... awesome btw...
Reply
:iconsmunk1:
smunk1 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
I feel like that too and I can relate
I can say itll get better not today or maybe not tomorrow but one day everything will get better
Reply
:icondominoexpress13:
DominoExpress13 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
This is how I feel every single day... Whenever I get changed in front of the mirror I just feel like punching it because it's not the person I am... I wish I could just be a boy... I wish I could be Sylvester, the person I was meant to be...
(My real name is Andrea -_-)
Reply
:iconwaritab:
WariTab Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Interface Designer
...
I hate being the person i dont want to be...
Reply
:iconbabyinblueishpink:
BabyInBlueishPink Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Amen
Reply
:iconagentkay004:
AgentKay004 Featured By Owner May 31, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know what your going through, I feel the same too.
Reply
:iconmangaotakutb15:
MangaOtakuTB15 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012  Student General Artist
I think for the boxers part, I'd recommend biker shorts. They're very comfy and a good alternative...xcept for having periods DX. Also, I'd say be strong and not care what people think of you. I stopped caring since the 5th grade and no one has dared bother me eversince...cept my friends. But, they're kind about it and they know how weird I can be. They'd know I'd wear a tux over a prom dress anyday at least! XD

"I hate the thought of losing friends.
I hate the thought of parts of my family disowning me, and ignoring me."

Same here as far as family is concerned. That's why I'm taking HUGE advantage around senior year and college. They even told me to take advantage of being a girl. I was like "WTF?!" What advantage? I mean, I know I will always be XX not XY in genetics but clothes don't have gender! I tell them that and that it makes you feel narrowminded but no. They think I'M narrow-minded!

Though, I hate labeling though. But, it's apparently human nature. I will hate getting my legs waxed unless if there's a health reason behind it. I have yet to find one about that.
Reply
:iconmaishul:
Maishul Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012
What makes you hate your own gender so much?
I mean I understand, but the word "hate"?
Reply
:iconweskerthewaffle:
weskerTHEwaffle Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Well, I don't hate my gender.
My gender is male, mentally.
I hate the gender I was put into.
I hate the parts I was given, I don't feel like a girl.

Hate is a very strong word, I know.
But you have to understand what this is like.
It's like wearing a suit you can't take off, it's like being stuck in the wrong body.
I can never have a normal life, I can never live the way I want to.
I mean of course, I could live life as a female. But that would just be miserable. I don't know if I could live with myself.
Reply
:iconmaishul:
Maishul Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012
Why would you be miserable to live with yourself? D:
I'm sorry about all that, I could imagine being in a body you don't want to be in, I wish you stay happy and to have good luck with everything, if only technology could soon get advanced enough to really do that, that science could be moved from building killing machines to helping people out instead.
But, I never quite understood what would make someone feel that way, is it because girls around you are annoying (or something) and you don't want to be seen that way? Is it because you're more into things guys do?
Reply
:iconweskerthewaffle:
weskerTHEwaffle Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Because, I would be living my life as someone I'm not.
I'd rather be trans then live life as women.
It's because to me I AM NOT A WOMAN.
I'm a boy.
I think like a boy, I feel like a boy.c:

Well, nothing really causes someone to feel this way, you're just kind of born with it, you know?
Like someone is born being gay.
It can't be explained.

Reply
:iconmaishul:
Maishul Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Is it a bit, awkward, for you at times, every day?
Either way, you are still human like most of us, you can talk and you can be a friend as much as anyone, so I can accept you as much as I accept anyone because I'm not a close-minded prick :)
I'm sorry if asking questions like that were bothering you...
Reply
:iconweskerthewaffle:
weskerTHEwaffle Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
A little, really only when people ask if I'm a girl or a guy. XD
No you weren't bothering me at all!
I'm sorry if I came off as upset but I wasn't at all.
c:

Thanks for understanding, I know it's hard to wrap your head around. XD
I'm just one of the guys. c:

Sorry for the late reply. xD
Reply
:iconmaishul:
Maishul Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012
I understand ^^
Yeah, I just had to ask, I always worry if I'm bothering someone because I tend to get curious and ask questions a lot XD

I hope you enjoy life and meet good people, best wishes~ X3
Reply
:iconweskerthewaffle:
weskerTHEwaffle Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I feel that way all the time. xD
I feel like I bother people just by talking. :L

You too! You seem like a really nice person. c:
Reply
:iconbobbiedot12:
Bobbiedot12 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is exactly how I feel.
Reply
:iconotaku4eternity:
Otaku4Eternity Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012
I hate that some people are so ignorant that they think we "choose to be trans to attract attention"...
I hate how people don't think "why choose a life of pain and discomfort?"

I love this, utterly and completely...
Reply
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